Oh my god I need a thrill

Cause I've got scars that will never mend
Broken bones that do not heal with time
Some things just can't be fixed

So listen I've got news for you
This is where I'm supposed to be in life
It is what I'm supposed to do"

We had to do a paper in my class about what we thought the difference between living and existing was. I used those song lyrics that I wrote to describe how I feel.

Last year was the worst year of my life. Almost everything bad that could happen, did happen. I feel like I hit an all time low. I needed a change, and I needed one fast. So what kind of change did I get. Well, I quit my band of 5 years, broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years, got fired from my job, almost failed all of my classes and gained about 20 pounds. I got really depressed because of all those things. I showered less frequently than I already did, I stopped eating, I just didn't go to class and slept all day. I was a leach; a parasite; throwing everything down the garbage.

Then I met her.

The girl that encompassed everything that I had dreamed of. I was so in love with everything about her. She was an angel in a sea of hags. For the first time in a while, I felt alive. The feelings that I had were quite new. It really was a rush to my head. Yes, that is who that Eyes of Death Song is about. I used to sing it to her for hours just smiling and staring deep into her eyes. Everything was perfect.

In the mean time, everything else in my life was picking up. I had a new band and was finally playing the music that I wanted to play. It was nice not having a job for a while. It gave me time to free my mind. I did end up starting to teach skating lessons again and all of my "students" always brightened my day. Unlike last year, I didn't have any students that I dreaded working with. I had lost weight and was becoming active again. It was a great feeling. I was finally healthy again.

Then she broke up with me. I was devastated. I remember trying so hard to hold back tears at Mac's bar when I found out. I hurried into the bathroom and just sat in the stall crying. Now, if you know Mac's bar, you know it's a piece of shit. Well, the door to the stall doesn't lock...So I was sitting in there crying and some guy comes busting in and yanks the door open. I think he was more shocked than I was. I ran outside as fast as I could so I didn't have to explain myself.

So, funny story aside, I was CRUSHED.

And yet somehow, I wasn't mad. She helped pull me out of the dark and I think because of that I never can be mad at her. Sure, I would still love to be dating her, but I guess it's just not meant to be.

Now all of that aside, I feel more alive than I have ever felt. I am enjoying life, and it's only going to get better. Come October, it's on. I am working so hard to take Tiger! Tiger! to the next level. I won't stop until I'm fulfilled.